The holidays are a time when we want to celebrate family, traditions, and the joy of being together. But when a loved one is living with dementia, the season can feel a little more complicated. While we still want to enjoy all the magic and warmth the holidays bring, it’s important to be mindful of our loved one’s needs and make adjustments to ensure they feel safe, comfortable, and included. Here are some ideas to help make the holidays a little smoother for both caregivers and those living with dementia.
Create a Familiar and Comfortable Environment:
Familiarity is key. People with dementia tend to do best in their own homes, where they feel safe and comfortable. If it’s not possible for them to be at home, gatherings should be in a space as familiar as possible. This can help reduce anxiety and confusion.
Plan Small, Quiet Gatherings:
Large, noisy family gatherings can be overwhelming for someone with dementia. Instead, encourage family members to visit in smaller groups throughout the day. If you do decide to bring your loved one to a holiday event, try to keep the guest list small, and consider leaving earlier if they start to feel overstimulated.
Stick to Routine and Avoid Late Nights:
People with dementia, especially in the later stages, thrive on routine. Try to keep routines as consistent as possible. Keeping things predictable can help prevent confusion and stress. It’s also important to be mindful of timing—dementia can cause increased confusion and agitation later in the day. If possible, try to schedule holiday activities earlier in the day, when your loved one is most alert and comfortable, and avoid keeping them out too late.
Incorporate Quiet Breaks:
The holiday season can get loud and chaotic, so make sure to set aside time for quiet moments. If your loved one seems overwhelmed, gently guide them to a quieter space with less stimulation where they can visit with loved ones in a calmer environment.
Reminisce and Connect Through Memory:
Long-term memories tend to remain intact. The older the memory, the more likely they are to remember it. Take advantage of this by talking about the "good old days." Reminisce about their favorite holiday traditions or ask about their childhood memories. This can be a wonderful way for them to connect with the present, even if they struggle with recent events. Avoid saying “Do you remember?” If they start to talk about a tradition you don’t remember or confabulate, that's okay. Meet them where they are in their reality.
Play Music They Enjoy:
Music has an incredible ability to reach people with dementia. The parts of the brain that process music are less affected by the disease than other areas of the brain. Music can help people with dementia feel connected, calm, and comfortable. Play familiar music, and if possible, let your loved one choose what they’d like to listen to (offer two choices). Avoid sources of music that may be interrupted by commercials, as it can break the flow.
Have a Backup Plan:
No matter how much we plan, sometimes things don’t go as expected. It’s important to have a backup plan in place, whether it’s a quiet space to retreat to or an early exit strategy if the event becomes overwhelming. Consider bringing an aide with you to the holiday gathering if your loved one may need to leave early, or if they require assistance with activities of daily living like using the bathroom. An aide can provide comfort and care, which may be less stressful for your loved one than relying on family members who are unfamiliar with their care needs. This can be a huge relief for family members as well, as caregiving can sometimes be overwhelming during busy holidays, without taking on unfamiliar tasks such as assisting with toileting. Keep in mind that your loved one can pick up on your stress, so having extra support and minimizing your stress can help you and your loved on enjoy the day to the fullest.
Get Them Involved in Simple Activities:
Even if someone with dementia can’t do everything they used to, find ways to involve them in simple tasks. Maybe they can help decorate the tree, set the table, or even husk the corn (my grandmother’s trademark way of helping, besides insisting on giving me a dollar at every toll booth!). It’s not about perfection—it’s about maintaining that Long-term memories tend to remain intact. The older the memory, the more likely they are to remember it. Take advantage of this by talking about the "good old days." Reminisce about their favorite holiday traditions or ask about their childhood memories. This can be a wonderful way for them to connect with the present, even if they struggle with recent events. Avoid saying “Do you remember?” If they start to talk about a tradition you don’t remember or confabulate, that's okay. Meet them where they are in their reality.
Don’t Forget About Safety:
Make sure their environment is safe. Look out for tripping hazards. A safe, well-organized space will help everyone relax and enjoy the moment without worry. If your loved one wanders, bring an aide with you.
These recommendations are meant as general guidelines to help navigate the holidays with a loved one who has dementia. However, it’s important to remember that every individual is different. You know your loved one best, so it’s crucial to pay attention to their cues and adjust accordingly. Adopt the recommendations that work for you, knowing that not all of them will apply in every situation. Ultimately, the goal is to make the holidays a time of connection, comfort, and care for everyone involved.
The holidays might look a little different when caring for someone with dementia, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be enjoyable and meaningful. By adjusting traditions, focusing on smaller, quieter moments, and remembering to stay patient and flexible, you can still create beautiful memories. And most importantly, take care of yourself as the caregiver. The holidays are about connection, and that includes taking care of your own well-being too. We wish you all a happy and peaceful holiday season.
Please know, if you would like to talk through your holiday plans, I am available. Sometimes talking things through can help when people are struggling to find the solutions that feel right to them with regards to how to include your loved one in holiday traditions.
